Biosophilia

I know this is harsh, and completely not in tone with the book, but I feel that book is a roadmap to a destruction relationally.

I feel that it's unrealistic. It misses the real beauty of a relationship which is grace through sin, over and over again.

I felt that book unhealthily romanticized and objectified relationships.

While I do agree that one should love what your spouse loves simply because he or she loves it, I think Van Auken wrapped it all up with so much else that it will both lead to the problems later on in the book, and will lead other couples to problems if they follow the viewpoint set forth in the book.

Gosh, that was harsh. Not quite what I was looking for as my first comment on your blog. I'm sorry. I do though, whole-heartedly agree with your sentiments on loving what your spouse loves. I've recently become a fan of horseback riding, dressage in particular...really only because my wife is into it...

I haven't read the book, but I have been married for 6 1/2 years so I feel like I've picked up a few things. It always makes me feel really good when Patrick shows an interest in something that's important to me. I hope I do the same for him, but I could probably work on it a little more. Be careful though that you don't stop liking the things YOU like, too. If you replace all of your own desires and individuality with your spouses, you are losing half of what makes your marriage unique. I think for that concept to work, both people merge into a new, different, unique creation. Not one person melding into a replica of the other. Just a thought to keep in mind when you're newly married! :)

Josiah, remember that the book is a memoir, not a how-to book on relationships or a self-help piece. I'm sure many people forget that and start holding the book up as something it's not, nor ever was intended to be. But if you read it as a memoir - with, like all memoirs, lessons for yourself, good and bad - I think it's altogether lovely. Also, as a memoir, it's incomplete. If you like VanAuken and want to get to know him better, you have to read Under the Mercy to somewhat finish the story.

For me, it's simple. VanAuken lived through all the following, amazing things: childhood on an old VA estate, cadetship at the VMI where he studied English and History, a most romantic pagan marriage, Pearl Harbor as a Navy officer, grad school at Yale, sailing from island to island for a while with just his wife and his journalism, life in Engliand during (more) grad school at Oxford (where he studied England's would-be pro-South role in the War Between the States), friendship with CS Lewis, coming to faith, a most romantic Christian marriage, etc. As if that weren't enough to entice readers, Under the Mercy deals with his return to singleness, further crises of faith, his vocation as a professor at Lynchburg College, active participation in the 60's Movement (from long hair and drugs to Civil Rights), and his conversion to the Roman Catholic Church. Challenging stuff, all of it - but in a good way.

I enjoyed Vanauken's book immensely. Their story
was such an example of lovingness (is that even a word?). Of course, I think some of their actions and thoughts were extreme and obviously the Amoses will never be the Vanaukens. However, there is much to glean from such a couple. I like to term that an "adventure love story" :) Oh, and Lisa, if you're only halfway through the book, get ready to shed some tears...

Okay Jon, way to give it away for those of us who haven't read it.

I'm messing with ya

Thanks everyone- these comments are so incredibly helpful.

Lisa and Courtney,

We haven't heard of, let alone read that book, but your desire to please each other by selflessly doing what the other loves is beautiful. I have to work to be interested in some things that Candice loves. I shall renew my efforts in this.